Damn, I'm always surprised at how long it's been since I've updated my journal. August 6, 2009.

Well, things are not hectic nor agitated right now, but it just gives me more and more to worry about. College frenzy is right around the corner and I couldn't be less ready for it. I'm not ready to send the applications, I'm not ready for the outcome, I'm not ready to leave my friends, I'm not ready to leave my boyfriend...I'm just, NOT.
I thought I was, I thought I was so ready for this.
Turns out I don't.
Everything's a huge emotional mess.
My mind is ready to leave this shithole behind but my heart isn't. I'm afraid of the friends I'll surely loose, I'm afraid of the things that might change, and there are some things I just wish there was some way I couldn't leave them behind.
It's amazing how some people steal your heart. There really isn't any other way of saying so. They steal your heart and hide away the pieces and it hurts so much just thinking of leaving those pieces behind. Memories and pictures and promises can only do so much, and I can't just sit around and wait to see how things are going to turn out. It drives me crazy. What drives me even more bananas is the fact that I know that I, in fact, do have to wait. There is no other way of knowing.
What I do know is that I have to claw my way into the other people's hearts, those of whom I don't want to loose their love not tonight nor ever. I have to make it my goal to steal a piece of their heart in return. It's ridiculous, everything that goes to my head. But I really do think all of this is essencial.

Next year is going to be a throbbing head and heartache.

Yet, I still look forward to it.